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Subject: RE: GSSC From: George D. Stout Date: 05-Jun-97

Dean...I was just 'pokin fun there anyway my friend. And, I did understand..another of my ill-fated attempts at humor. By the way, I was very interested in the parafin on self bows for a water tight finish. Do you rub the parafin onto the bow then use the iron to melt it into the pores?? You will see that I am a little thick-headed when it comes to understanding this selfbow stuff and you may need to verbally print it for me. I thought perhaps when you mentioned parafin, you were just waxing philosophically. Perhaps, again, all of this 'parafinalia is getting to me. Will you be in Denton Hill this year? I sure hope so; all this talk of parafin, aniline dyes and sunburst hues has got me 'itchin to go. God Bless, George

Subject: RE: GSSC From: gary archer Date: 05-Jun-97

Hey, did I hear right??! Someone told me they heard from someone else's second cousin that a branch of Fund for Animals was thinking about starting a splinter group (or was that a group of splinter thinkers?) with the express intention of elevating SPAM to a level of acceptance that will prevent ANY misuse of this poor defenseless, inanimate STUFF. And their first organized demonstration is to be the GLLI. Could we 'cook' up an event for these FUFOSPAM folks?? But then again, I may have heard wrong. Enjoyed your thread, Arch.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Bruce Snyder Date: 06-Jun-97

Question: What point type works best on Spamallian species? Field points, blunts, judo points? Seems to me that a fire-hardened vienna sausage might also be appropriate.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Date: 06-Jun-97

S.P.A.M: squirrel, possum and mouse

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Haggis Date: 06-Jun-97

Last post obviously spin tactic by same Madison Avenue group mentioned earlier. (Notice, it is anonymouse!) Pure damage control. They would have you believe Spam contains real delectable animal parts. Villains.

Origins of acronym are far more sinister than this, and until the true meaning gets revealed here, I would suggest all Spamaddicts wean off with some milder food substitute such as Chernobyl carp.

Haggis McDonough

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Broken Styk-Mike @ Norman Ok Date: 06-Jun-97

You haven't lived until you open a can of smoked Spam with cheese chunks in it. Your sure cant throw it in a hot skillet and hope to get it out in one piece. Have had many crisp Spam sandwiches with mustard and a big slice of purple onion for breakfast up in the mountains. When your buddy-? brings only Spam and soda pop you know your in for a long hunt. The only thing that I can place Spam above in the food chain is Imitation Garlic Bologna. Don't go there! What a way to start the morning. Great Thread.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Hawkeye Date: 06-Jun-97

A wise man oft' told me, "It's a great life if you don't weaken". Well, I've weakened, and you all are to blame.

Vacillating 'twixt hunger and revulsion (generally closer to the latter!), I've read your threads with uninformed interest, having lived these 40 years without the satisfaction(?) of SPAM passing over my lips towards my unsuspecting stomach. I watched this thread develop and thrive.... but I offered no input.... I was "gastronomically challenged" (see, I can be politically correct!).

Finally, I could take it no longer. I had to know. I HAD to experience the mysterious, proteinous, gelatinous, allochthonous (ran out of adjectives!) substance that drives men wild (or so it seems for your posts).

I went to my small town's grocery store, but ALAS, they had NO SPAM! Undaunted, I returned home, and mixed up a batch of my own based on the recipe offered here (squirrel, possum, mouse, lips, ears, horseradish, and a touch of brown sugar). Spent three days in the hospital, but the doctors believe I'll be OK (must have been the brown sugar!).

Today, it was back to the store... they STILL have no SPAM. They say a svelte traditional archer from Southern IL (Bear-something) had bought out their supplier's complete stock to take to Michigan. Drat this small town exisitence! I need another store! I *NEED* SPAM!!!!!

I'm inventive. I'm versatile. I'm resourceful. As I complete this note, I sit with THREE cans of delectable treats in front of me!! One can says "ALPO", the second says "Nine-Lives", and the third has an unreadable label printed in Pakistani (but there is a picture of a grayish-brown glob of stuff on a plate!). I've been assured that each smells, looks, and tastes exactly like the SPAM I crave. I'll bring the left-overs (as if there would be any!) to the GSSC! If I'm not there, please send cards to St. Francis Medical Center, Peoria, IL.

Soon, I'll fit in. I'll be "one of the guys". I'll be a SPAM-aholic. I'll be nauseous. Here goes.... I'm picking up the can opener....

Another wise man oft' told me "You'll never be sorry for something you didn't say." I wish I'd remebered that before I began this note (I AM sorry!)

Your 'til the undertaker undertakes to take me under-

Hawkeye (fellow SPAM guy!)

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Tom(Longbo) Date: 06-Jun-97

Congratulations Haggis! Looks like you caught somebody.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Broken Styk Date: 06-Jun-97

You can do like myself and probably find your old hunting grub box and dig out a can of Spam or Treet(??????) meat byproducts and partake in this culinary cuisine.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Haggis Date: 06-Jun-97

Gary Archer, sorry, overlooked your post, but it needs attention and further development. Yes, I have heard similar rumors of protest and pickets intent on disrupting the GSSC, but as yet cannot confirm whether they will be funded or spearheaded by Spamaholics unable to witness the spectacle of wasted Spam, Treatniks who demand equal Treat-ment, Viennese who prefer equal linkage, or ARA's who maintain the stuff represents a living breathing sanctified life form (remember, "A rat is a Spam is a boy"?). Word is the group(s?) plans a major disruption. Know nothing more at the moment.

Haggis McDonough

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Bill Rickvalsky Date: 06-Jun-97

You know folks, I have tried to keep this part of my nature in the closet so to speak but I can't stand it any more. I AM TIRED OF ALL THE SPAM BASHING. You guys have no right to put down another man's choice of nourishment. I have been a Spam connoiseur for at least 25 years now. It has seen me through good times and bad and never failed to fill my gut and keep me going. You just can't beat pan fried Spam on toast with mayo for a gourmet delight. Even Biggie would approve of the mayo.

So how about we quit picking on one of my all time favorites.


Subject: RE: GSSC From: Doe-Boy Date: 06-Jun-97

I hear ya' Bill. I was SPAM, when SPAM wasn't cool...

I've also got my suspicions that some of these Spam basher's are really Hi-tech-haute'-cuisine pretty boys. Lose the SPAM lid key and watch the Hi-tech can opener's flash. I'm strictly traditonal, a P-38 is a REAL can opener. I like it because of the challenge involved. BTW anyone serious about SPAM should join SPAMMasters, thee largest SPAM hunting organization in the country.


SPAMMASTER'S Dist. 13 Gov.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Bill Rickvalsky Date: 06-Jun-97

DB -- Please send a membership application. By the way, where the h_ _ _ is district 13.


Subject: RE: GSSC From: Doe-Boy Date: 06-Jun-97

District 13 is just northsouth of the Mason Dickson line, eastwest of the Mississippi.

My district is also known by loacals as the SPAM triangle. It's rumoured that a long lost relative of Uriah Heep, (alias Haggis McDonough, thought to be in reality Haggis Heep) wondered into the interior of the triangle on a wild boar hunt and was never seen again. Even more curious is the occasional B&E at the general store - all that's ever taken is a few cans of SPAM and a couple bottles of barley pop.


SPAMMASTERS Dist. 13 (the SPAM triangle) Gov.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Bill Rickvalsky Date: 06-Jun-97

I think I've been there. But I don't think I remember. But something in my subconscious tells me to stay away.


Subject: RE: GSSC From: Beevis Date: 06-Jun-97

Feel sorry for all you guys when Bearman returns from Quebec. Takes his Spam very serious. We always place the Bear at far end of lawn during barbeques and still inventory fingers at end of day. I am sure he will take names and numbers from this thread and deal with accordingly at GLLI.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: BROKEN STYK Date: 06-Jun-97


Subject: RE: GSSC From: Cliff Huntington Date: 06-Jun-97

I was recently accused of being Doe-boy but can't take blame or credit for his (her's) post, but I do know what a P-38 is an my late father flew one during WWII and I have several certain other P-38's compliments of Uncle Sam. Here's a question for you dog-faces, how many P-38's came in a case of C-rations?

Subject: RE: GSSC From: George D. Stout Date: 06-Jun-97

Did you guys notice that spam is symetrical with nicely flowing corners...not squared off or pyramid shape like some of the surrogate proteins. A crispy black hunk of symetrical spam on square bread...2 pieces if you will...and you've got the 'makins. Many of you who gag in the face of Spam are probably trying to eat it indoors; this is wrong. Spam is best as an outdoors, over the campfire type food and is best when served with some cold beans on the side. Also, you may want to try a Spam mountain pie. Two pieces of bread, 2 pieces of spam, 1 piece each of american, and hot pepper cheese and lay it on the fire till crispy and on the outside. UUMMMM,UUMMMM!

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Beevis Date: 06-Jun-97

Bearman's Favorite Recipe for Spam:

Obtain freshly sawn pine board 1X6X10 inches. Preferably "plane sawn".

Cut Spam into slices 1/2" thick and spread on board.

Cover with chopped onions, green peppers, chopped onions, sliced radishes, salt and pepper, chopped onions, 4 cloves of garlic, and several chopped onions.

Place in oven and "heat" at 750 degrees for 9 hours.

Remove and scrape anything remaining on board into trash and eat board.

It's OK, not to worry. Bearman's not here.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Tom(Longbo) Date: 06-Jun-97

Cliff, is it possible that instigator of this board is himself becoming a bit confused? Can't keep tract of the characters without a program.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Cliff Huntington Date: 06-Jun-97

Its sure a list of characters!!

I have to confess, I've eaten the dreaded stuff myself and my favorite (only) receipt is cutting it up in chunks, adding them to a can of beans and heating on the manifold of an army jeep. It's called "Beanie Spamies."

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Beevis Date: 06-Jun-97

Makes pretty decent catfish bait if you run low on rotten chicken livers.

No George, I had not noticed that. Are you retired?

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Haggis Date: 06-Jun-97

It's a chilling experience to see these many Americans hurry to Spam's defense. Surely not all are renegade CIA operatives, spreading disinformation about Spam for selfish gain--so they can turn a profit on all the stolen blackmarket stockpiles of Spam they were sworn by allegiance and treaty to destroy for the sake of healthful life on this planet as we know it. Yet what other explanation can there be, except the worst of all--that the contagion is spreading and has seized control of people we thought we knew and liked, that its demonic inner life grows quietly and then reveals itself after its host has gained our confidence and trust, raring up to infect us too. George? Doe-boy? Bill? Bearman? And Cliff, et tu? On a manifold yet? Are you still there, as you once were? Hawkeye, is it too late?

Haggis McDonough

Subject: RE: GSSC From: John Friedrich Date: 06-Jun-97

I have to come clean on this one. I was hunting elk within sight of MT St. Helens a few years back and part of the larded laid in for the spike camp were several cans of Spam!! Well one thing led to another and and the nex't thing I know I dining elaganly on a "Spamish Omelet". My first and only encounter.As I remember it was edible but I was really hungry.


Subject: RE: GSSC From: graysquirrel Date: 06-Jun-97



Subject: RE: GSSC From: Hawkeye Date: 07-Jun-97

Ah, it's is strange indeed when life imitates Stickbow threads. After the Bulls game tonight, I got out my Bitz fletching jigs to make up a few arrows for a 3-D shoot tomorrow. When I looked up a while later, Jay Leno was on, and they were talking about.... SPAM!

With all the bull that has flowed through this thread, I don't expect anyone to believe this unless they saw it as well, but Jay had two guys shooting basket to win tickets to the next NBA game. They had real baskets, but in lieu of basketballs were using prefectly sized and shaped (and SLIMY!) SPAM. One guy made two of three shots to win the contest.

It was an absolute mess, but hilarious after the fuss that's gone on here. Seemed a bit sacreligious, though... those big, round SPAM balls lying cold, lifeless, and broken on the studio floor. I think Bearman would have cried to see it, if he weren't so darn tough.

Couldn't wait to get here to see someone's comment about the segment. The fact that no one posted makes me think either y'all aren't Leno fans (same here), or I've completed the process of losing my grip on reality.

Spamless in Peoria..... Hawkeye

From: Hawkeye Date: 17-Jun-97

Like some tormented junkie, I find myself returning each day to the next chapter in our saga of "As The Spam Turns".

Now, with 103 replies to the thread, it takes SOOOO long to load, that I have to go back to work the next morning before I get to read the new messages! Maybe it IS time for that 'puter upgrade!?

The reason for this post is NOT to de-rail the thread (although I think that might be a way to achieve near "hero" status), but to make the new ramblings and pontifications easier to access and read.

If you don't mind continuing your thoughts(?) here, it will be a lot more manageable... at least for a few days!

Dean... what do you think.... Haggis = Spamorama? A little diagnosis of Bi-Polar Disorder, Multiple Personality Complex, Obsessive/Compulsive Behaviour, or Schizophrenia could explain an AWFUL lot about the course of events on the ol' Spam thread......

Sane, sound, and with a mind like a steel TARP, I remain,


Subject: RE: GSSC From: Date: 17-Jun-97

SPAM----Spare People from Another Message about Spam!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: GSSC From: graysquirrel Date: 17-Jun-97

What really SCARES me is knowing that the kind of people that have been answering and replying to this thread will be carrying spam and its after affects into the woods armed with weapons that can actually kill something

But then, those weapons have to be in trained hands --- or do they?

Still sick puppies!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Doe-Boy Date: 17-Jun-97

...just got back from a recon of the Cloverdale trail.

Sunday night I was 200 yards off the trail with the wind in my face when I smelled the unmistakable aroma of skillet fried ham and such - so I cut a wide circle that took me up a ridge overlooking a secluded campsite.

There ensconced in a little white pine bowl, was a meager campfire with a shabbily attired old hag, coughing, scratching about her body and mumbling something about someone named...."Haggis.". I was just about to back out of my perch and leave her to her midnight ministrations, when I observed an owl land silently on a dead branch above her head and begin speaking the in Lakota dialect. Obviously startled, the outraged haradan looked up and shook her fist in the air croaking like an old raven.

Knowing a few words of Souix, I tried to follow the conversation - it was hard to understand either of them, but this much I got - she asked the owl where he had been all weekend, and told hm he'd better be in Berrien Springs before the Ide's of July, or he'd be the next ingredient in the can...the owl answered with a curse that sounded, once again, like the name, "Haggis."

His dangling talons nearly brushed my head as he beat a hasty departure over the ridge - flying due north...

With the limbs of my osage selfbow twitching like tiger's tails, I slowly backed down the ridge, made a fireless camp in a cottonwood copse and headed north myself in the morning.