Make your own free website on

Subject: RE: GSSC From: John Friedrich Date: 17-Jun-97

Hawkeye, Sometime I feel like my mind is like "a steel tarp" when the this puter gets the better of me.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Spotted Owl Date: 17-Jun-97

Hau Doe-Boy, so you and your tiger think you went undetected - I saw you in your hiding spot on the ridge, even before I went to talk to Ha...oh no you don't.

Of yellow tiger tails there are many, but those walnut stained, douglas fir's, dressed in white hens, and orange faux barred cocks & orange nocks will distinguish you on the banks of the St. Joseph. i say so, say so.

sleepless in St. Joseph,

Subject: RE: GSSC From: John Date: 17-Jun-97

Dean, It was nice seeing you again in Cloverdale. I am sorry about the improper introductions, my only excuse is my mind turns to mush at the sight of all those beautiful bows. I must say this to Cliff Huntington that the bow Dean made for you is a real beauty. Now back to this spam thing. I am sure I talked to Haggis he was right there at your booth. This guy couldn't keep his eyes off of that can of spam that Spudley brought you. He had mischeivous grin and looked as if he was up to something. I could be wrong. John

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Doe-Boy Date: 18-Jun-97

Oh yes, the "wise" Spotted Owl...A slight slip of the beak - what does "Ha" stand for? Haggis?...I think not.

HMMM what other word or NAME...HA--wkeye?

And why the vitrolic spew from the old hag? Do I have the gender proper? Has anyone really ever seen Hawkeye? And why do I now fear for Haggis?

Yes my quiver will cradle the faux orange cocks, maybe one will have Spotted Owls name on it. Now you've more than "HA" to look over your wing butt for.


Subject: RE: GSSC From: Dean Date: 18-Jun-97

John, if Haggis was anywhere near me, I didn't see him. I looked everywhere, too. Frankly, am getting more and more confused by this all, suspicious of everyone, especially Hawkeye, and you too, John. Perhaps the fault lies with the fact that in my life I have eaten neither Spam, Treat nor Vienna Sausages, I dunno. That may also explain why I sometimes feel like I'm the only clear-headed correspondent on this thread. Untainted, so to speak.

My suspicions of Hawkeye are confused because on the one hand he offers reasonable explanations for phenomena beyond my ability to comprehend (e.g., the disappearance of Haggis and the coincidental appearance of Spamorama). He's in command of psycho lingo and his bi-polar arguments seem persuasive enough; his alibi for the time covering Haggis' disappearance seems almost perfect. But then it occurs to me that this is all too neat and reasonable a package for a thread this garbled and confused, so I start searching for the worm in it, and my doubts come back to the simple fact that HA-wkeye was the last to see HA-ggis (good observation, Doe-boy. Can't be a coincidence!) alive. They did have a tiff, and Haggis didn't exactly know if he was being threatened or invited to dine on mt. oysters.

It may be possible that two Hawkeye's exist. One benign and innocent, a poor pig farmer toiling upon the earth for the good of us all, the other duplicitous and deceitful, luring Haggis Ieatanything McDonough with the promise of an unorthodox meal to his end. Could there be a tie in here with the contents of Spam and the fruits of Farmer Hawkeye? What banner shall we gather under at GSSC now that Haggis' is furled, perhaps forever? Will we ever learn the true meaning of S.P.A.M.?

Dean Torges

Subject: RE: GSSC From: graysquirrel Date: 18-Jun-97

Untainted????????? Did I hear or read the word untainted????????? Excuuuuuuuuusssssseeeeeee me.

for a stick whittler that sniffs glue, varnish, and only the creator knows what else (you know what birds do on trees limbs don't you? and coons and possums and deer hunters that don't bring a pee container) All this stuff just migrates into your veins and you can't remove it from your system, at least when one does eat spam - or any other combination --- mother nature will call and one can cleanse oneself -----

I don't know if a stickwhittler (that sniffs and absorbs) can cleanse himself.

In short Dean, you is just as tainted as the rest of us

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Spamorama Date: 18-Jun-97

Dear Hawkeye…ahem…BITE YOUR TONGUE!! Unlike the mighty fence-walking Haggis, I stand loud and proud as a staunch supporter of Spam. No matter how you slice it, dice it, whack it and stack it, Haggis and I are as agreeable in philosophy as long nails are on a dry chalk board. I will not, however, provide a defensive argument on my behalf to the aforementioned potential psychological disorders. A final note: please do not, even in jest, use the word "AWFUL" and Spam in the same sentence. We are now a kinder and gentler nation.

Doe-boy…kudos to your captivating and suspenseful drama. A word to the wise for protecting the twitching tiger's tail inner life-force from moisture invasion: Spam grease. Though Dr. Dean of the toxopholite scene stands tall upon the top of the selfbow hill, it escapes me how such a simple, effective, and efficient means of sealing a bow has been overlooked by such an educated and experienced wood bow practitioner. Does this have anything to do with him being an old hippie?

And compadre graysquirrel…you feisty little varmint! Carefully read the first sentence of your post and sheath thy sword lest it be used to whittle a few slabs of the ultimate breakfast meat for a hearty meal.

Spam: it does a body good.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Spamorama Date: 18-Jun-97

Compadre Graysquirrel...the first line of your post dated June 17th that is.


Subject: RE: GSSC From: Spotted Owl Date: 18-Jun-97

Hau, I'm the only one whoooo know's...whoooo's, whooo...!

No I won't hoot and tell...right now anyway. But if this doesn't all come to a head by GSSC, I'll blow the lid off the can,,,,if you get my drift.

I've already been threatened with spamage damage, so there's nothing to lose. isayso sayso

Spotted Owl

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Dean Date: 18-Jun-97

Yeah, graysquirrel. Besides, that fine bowyer, upstanding gentleman and shrewd and insightful investigator of the human psyche, Joe Don Jones, told me a few things at Cloverdale about you and lost logs in forgotten ponds.

Finally, I guess it's a safe assumption that Haggis has met a FOWL end. Witnessed perhaps by Spotted Owl? This is all getting clearer at the very same time it becomes muddier. Fascinating.

Dean Torges

Subject: RE: GSSC From: graysquirrel Date: 18-Jun-97

spamorama - first you gotta catch me and anyone that enjoys eating this stuff (spam) first can't see too well anyway - or he wouldn't be eating it ---- come to think about it he can't smell to well, or think to well either could he?

Dean, there for a minute I didn't know who you were talking about, you gotta remember Joe Don is a real good buddy of Red (translation he is a full of it as the rest of us) Did he tell about the really nasty shoot Red and a few of us set up ----- we were really called a lot of names I had not heard in a long time ---- besides, I based by assumption of the whittler sniffer in comparing you with him (that is SCARY) I KNOW his head ain't screwed on straight ----- what about you?

Subject: RE: GSSC From: graysquirrel Date: 18-Jun-97

whittler-sniffer -----kinda has a cute sound to it doesn't it? and I thought of that all by myself (thats scary ain't it)

Subject: RE: GSSC From: graysquirrel Date: 18-Jun-97

Dean, seriously, any chance you or some others could make the MacAlister shoot here? I know Joe Don will be there and a few other bowyers are always there, it is a big shoot down here (350 and up) and the chance to see one of the best whitetail herds in the nation is here

Besides, I think I owe you a sorebought meal (and it will not be spam)

The Trad only shoot will be August 2 and 3 - August 2 is recurve, longbow, and selfbow ---- August 3 is restricted to selfbow only

Be great to have you down - and anyone else -

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Hawk Date: 18-Jun-97

It appears that only the Hawk can see the silent arrows that are cast upon this thread, but wait it appears that Spotted Owl also can see light in all this darkness. Small but agile not laden with spam, his piercing eyes black as cole are able to detect this skuldugery. Haggis must be aware of predators of the sky!


Subject: RE: GSSC From: Bruce Snyder Date: 19-Jun-97

Just wanted to let you all know that the fire-hardened vienna sausage broadheads didn't work. Actually, I never got to try 'em. In the midst of my preparation, someone called the local fire department, as well as the hazardous materials team (sigh).

And I have to put in a word about Joe Don, as I'm the happy owner of one of his bamboo-backed osage bows. I paid a visit to his home Thanksgiving week last year while my SO and I were freezing our fannys off on property her parents own just northwest of Ada, OK. (Hellacious ice storm, no electricity). Anyhow, I spent a few hours talking with him and shooting several of his bows, and wound up buying one. Now I'm a confirmed all-wood bow addict. Anyone wanna buy a laminated recurve?

OK, back to our regularly scheduled prospam.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: graysquirrel Date: 19-Jun-97

Bruce, - Joe Don has a nice place and his bows are something else aren't they? what kinda bow and how much?

Bye the way wanna watch Joe Don really move, plant a dead copperhead by his ice chest

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Don Stokes Date: 19-Jun-97

Spare Parts And Mandibles???

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Bruce Snyder Date: 19-Jun-97

Graysquirrel - It's a 59.5", bamboo-backed osage flatbow. Beeyooteeful! Smooth, accurate (when I do my part) and no handshock. Like most of his bows, it's 58 lb @ 28", but I'm only pulling about 50 with my short draw. Seems to shoot at least as fast as my Bighorn TD recurve, a 53-lb bow (which is for sale, btw. Maybe I can trade it for something at the Hill Country Shootout this weekend.).

Requisite Spam comment: Guess I'd better buy a can or two for the weekend.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Dean Date: 19-Jun-97

graysquirrel, I was there when Bruce traded for this bow. It's a dandy all right, bamboo and osage, with precise arrowhead tracings below and above the handle on the bamboo back. Worth every gram of the two Vienna sausage cans Bruce traded to Joe Don, the self-same vintage collector's items Tyrone Power carried as Reichstag props in his pup tent across Western Europe during the Big One when, as a Pulitzer winning war correspondent, he covertly sent MAPS of Normandy back to the allied forces by tapping them out deftly upon his old cast iron Underwood so they resembled news stories, MAPS which led directly to the invasion which defeated the axis powers and subsequently crushed Hitler in his Viennese bunker, M.A.P.S. which an untainted four year old then read superficially as war stories from the front.

I see more clearly, now. The connections come to light and the circle tightens. No word from Haggis, and Hawkeye, flushed from his defense of whistling innocently through this thread with waterproof alibis, has taken to subterfuge and disguise by lopping off part of his name, going underground and diverting attention from himself.

Hawk(eye), in the name of everything decent and godly, confess. We all know now that if Haggis' glazed eyes are turned skyward, those dull reflections aren't predators but vultures on broad black wings circling his cold body. You were the last man with him. Why did you do it?

Dean Torges

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Bruce Snyder Date: 19-Jun-97

And the spamgel thickens.

Perhaps there is a traitor among us who acosted Haggis in some remote location and struck him a greasy blow upside his cranium with a loaf of Spam. Friends, he could be awaiting our succor somewhere, imprisoned in a layer of spamslime.

Sidebar: There's a Chinese cookbook that may also be useful in the preparation of Spam. It's called "1001 Ways to Wok Your Dog."

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Hawk Date: 19-Jun-97

Dean, Your sumations are wrong! Hawkeye is still out planting his fields and taking refuge in his tractor. This hawk flies much closer to Haggis! When I return late to my roost I can often see Spotted Owl taking up his nightly vigil.


Subject: RE: GSSC From: Jeff Dodd Date: 19-Jun-97

Medical Alert! Never eat raw Spam with ketchup. This combination can produce a deadly neurotoxic very similar to that of the coral snake. There has been a rash of fatalities of the local population here in North Florida from eating this deadly combination. I repeat, NEVER put ketchup on raw Spam.


Subject: RE: GSSC From: Dean Date: 19-Jun-97

O.k., if I'm wrong, then who killed Haggis? Between the two of you, a keen-eyed 24 hour vigil takes place. Surely Haggis' whereabouts is known to you, if not his killer's identity. Whodunnit? Why? How can Spamorama be stopped from mesmerizing readers of this thread? Where and how shall we combine at the GSSC? Will there even be one now? Whatever became of Tyrone? Is the Viennese connection coincidental? Now that Haggis is dead (a safe assumption?), who can save us from such combinations as raw Spam and ketchup? (Are you sure about Hawkeye being innocent?)

Dean Torges

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Beevis Date: 19-Jun-97

Haggis dead? I think not! Having accomplished his intended objective of stirring pot, he is merely relaxing in semi-retirement, enjoying the harvest of what he has sown. The right post, one in which stirs in imagination, will bring about his return. He has not the will power to stay away for long.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Brian Cole Date: 19-Jun-97

I've got an idea...any of this cast of character's that doesn't show up at GLLI (GSSC), will be presumed deceased - exception of course, for the real people!

Now, once again, who are they?


Subject: RE: GSSC From: Guano Date: 19-Jun-97

I think this handle is appropriate, don't you? I have a very fertile imagination. Just though I'd help Spotted Owl and Hawk spread it around a bit more (as if they needed my help).

At any rate, I believe I can answer Dean's question: It's all a dream. Hey, you remember Dallas, don't you?

Subject: RE: GSSC From: graysquirrel Date: 19-Jun-97


I got a 62 lb black widow that I'll trade ya for that Bighorn. I could really rub that in Reds nose

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Grumpy Date: 19-Jun-97

Please, graysquirrel, this is no thread for serious talk.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Hawk Date: 19-Jun-97

Grumpy you tell Haggis that this is serious. Hawkeye is not totally inocent of deception! He does not fly with the hawks and owls, he drives a tractor! Also Haggis should be aware that tightly closed talons with bring forth the truth!


Subject: RE: GSSC From: Hawk Date: 19-Jun-97

Haggis you really have a lot of gall to post on this thread with an alias" Guano" ! Speading roumors that you are dead is the easy way out. I don't think this will happen. As flew over the pond this evening I caught a glimpse of you scurring from the saftey of your shed, you were trying to make to the house before the talons of truth could strike! I will not rest and be warned that I will appear when least expected.


Subject: RE: GSSC From: Spamorama Date: 19-Jun-97

And so the world turns…Bruce, sometimes, tough love is necessary to bring the rebellious back to the flock. A blow to the head with a slab of Spam will only induce reality, not trauma. "How to Wok your Dog" ROTFL!! Perhaps this is an indication for the true meaning of S.P.A.M. (Spaniels, Poodles, and Mastiff's)?

Compadre Graysquirrel: you got spunk. Perhaps it is this attitude why I do so enjoy loosing Judo's at these little beasties. "Catch me if you can" you say? Beware the hiss of the whistling gray goose wing.

Don…like the commercial says "parts is parts". Why some folks find the idea of eating head cheese grotesque and barbaric and yet gorge themselves on hotdogs is beyond my comprehension.

Riddle me this and riddle me that, who is it that knows where Sir Haggis is at? Ponder this: one's writing style, like a finger print, can not a joker hide. Very few (this author excluded) have the enviable gift of prose, that which is effortless and satiating. With the stage now set, I submit for your review the poetic ramblings of Dr. Dean and Sir Haggis. Some thoughtful sleuthing will reveal startling similarities. Coinky-dink?

As with Blue Diamond Almonds, " a can a day is all I ask".


Subject: RE: GSSC From: Don Stokes Date: 19-Jun-97

Neither Hormel nor Armour has an "800" number.

Subject: RE: GSSC From: Guano Date: 19-Jun-97

I am not Haggis. I am Guano. Resistance is futile. You will be defacated upon.